


The perfect Christmas Tree

by keepcalmanddonotblink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Christmas Tree, Christmas at the bunker, Fluff, M/M, dcminibang
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-04 05:44:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5322692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepcalmanddonotblink/pseuds/keepcalmanddonotblink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam sends Dean to search for a Christmas Tree and because he wants to surprise Cas with a fully decorated Bunker, Dean has to take Cas with him. The struggle to find a fitting Christmas Tree is real.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The perfect Christmas Tree

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work for the #dcminibang on tumblr.  
> Prompt for Dec,7th: Christmastree  
> (I even tried myself at some artwork.)

“Do we really have to do this?”, Dean asks for the seemingly millionth time, not that he has any hope that Sam will change his mind. “Come on, Dean. We talked about this, this is Cas first Christmas in the bunker. Of course we have to do it!”, Sam answers the same thing he did the last few hundred times. Dean sighs over-dramatically, if only for show: “Tell me again why it has to be me who has to go out with Cas to look for a Christmas Tree?” “Dean!” Sam is obviously getting annoyed and Dean raises his hands in surrender: “I know, I know. You want to stuff the bunker full of all that kitsch you bought last week while I distracted Cas by watching 'How to get away with Murder' with him.” “Dean, I know for a fact that you liked it. I mean, the show is great,” Sam retorts dryly: “Now go, I got work to do!”

Dean stands in front of Cas' door and as usual he can hear the TV running. Maybe it is a good thing that Dean will drag Cas outside to get some fresh air. He takes one deep breath before he knocks on the door. “Come in!” he hears Cas shout and he smiles. He can't remember how many times he has been in this room by now, watching Cas making it his own piece by piece, trying hard to figure out what he likes and what he doesn’t. There are a lot of books from the library on his desk and on the self-made (with Dean's help) bookshelf, there are notes all over the room's walls, newspapers and connections. Dean can't help but smile every time he sees them. Cas is a real hunter by now, one of them, a _Winchester_.  
Dean catches himself, he has to stop thinking that way, has to stop because he knows that eventually Cas will leave again, eventually some crap will come up and take him away again, away from them. Away from him.

“What are you watching?”, Dean asks to divert his thoughts to something else. “Orphan Black,” Cas answers with a small smile. ““So.. you watching Cosima and Daphne making out on Christmas Eve?”, Dean asks dryly. “I watch a show about _clones_ , Dean, and for the record, even when you celebrate Christmas Eve today, Christ still wasn't born in December,” Cas looks up at him and as so often Dean is immediately drawn into those blue eyes, that have seen so much and still have so much love and passion in them and that are finally full of life again. ' _Come on, Winchester. Stop staring_ ,” Dean forces himself to look away, away to anywhere else but not into those damn blue eyes.  


“Whatever you are saying,” Dean finally says: “Look, it is still Christmas, Birth of Christ or not, and it is your first Christmas here at the bunker, so how about we get a Christmas Tree?” Cas squints his eyes as he always does when something is odd and of course he does this adorable head tilt too. _Adorable_. Nope, Dean hasn't thought that right now. “I never understood what a Christmas Tree has to do with a birth. Actually a lot of common traditions are not even Christian...,” Cas starts and Dean raises a hand to stop him right there and then: “Cas... just roll with it? Would you?” It needs no more than that and Cas stands up, turns off the TV and nods: “I am ready.”

***

They are into looking for a tree for half an hour already and not a single one fits Dean's expectations. Too small, too many branches, too _few_ branches, too crouched, not green enough. Cas even wandered off to look around if he'd find any other tree that might not be good enough for Dean.  
Dean doesn't know what got into him ever since they arrived here, but for some stupid reason he wants to find the perfect tree for the bunker, for this first Christmas together after one hell of a year, where they have lost so much. He still misses Charlie like hell. She was the only one he ever talked to about his feelings. His real feelings. She knew. And she had understood.  


“Dean,” Cas shakes him out of his thoughts and Dean is grateful for that: “Yeah?” “The salesman just told me disturbing news,” Cas states and he sounds upset. Dean waits for Cas to elaborate, but Cas just stares at a small crooked tree in front of him, which looks like a bad excuse for a Christmas Tree. “And?”, Dean finally prompts when Cas doesn't add anything to his statement. Cas looks away from the tree to Dean and Dean can hear the hurt in his voice: “He said that the trees that are not sold are getting burned. Why would you kill trees just to burn them?” Dean sighs and runs his hand over his face. Of course the salesman _had_ to tell Cas about _that_.  


“Look, Cas, don't think too much about it. Not everything that humans do is rational. Actually, a _lot_ of things humans do are not rational,” Dean just hopes this is enough to move on. “I want to save this one then,” Cas says and Dean huffs as he sees the tree Cas is pointing at. “No way,” is all he gets out, because of course Cas would go for the most pathetic Christmas Tree ever. “But Dean...,” Cas starts. Dean cuts him off: “Look, this Christmas is important. Especially for Sam.” Bringing in Sam is a crappy move, and Dean knows it. Cas’ shoulders slump in surrender and Dean feels like a dick. “Look, Cas, let's just take that one,” Dean points to one of the trees they looked at before, that was just a little uneven on one side. He thinks if they put it into the corner, it might still be almost perfect. Cas nods, still looking defeated: “Okay, Dean. If you think Sam will like it.” “Good... we... we'll take it,” is all that Dean can up with. He feels like a jerk and he probably is. But there is no way he is taking that joke of a tree home as their Christmas tree. Cas’ sad look be damned.

***

The drive home is silent, the mood heavy and Dean is more than once tempted to just turn the car around and get the other tree. Because it is Cas. And he doesn't like seeing him like this, sitting next to him in the car, looking out of the window, staring into the abyss of the night. Sometimes Dean wishes he could see into Cas’ head for one second, see how the mind of his angel works.  


There. He did it again. His angel. _His_. But that is not true. Cas never was his. Dean shouldn’t think that way. Because Cas is free to do what he wants, whenever he wants. Cas is free and a freaking angel of the lord. Someone who has seen the world turning long before Dean even existed, who saw generations come and go, saw the world grow and turn many times. Dean can't for one second let himself allow that Cas could be even for a moment _his_. Dean doesn't deserve it.  
Still, Cas always had a choice. And he always came back, always came back to Dean. Dean shoots a short look to Cas, searching for words but there are none. He is too afraid to ask.  
' _Why me, Cas? Why are you still here?_ '  
As so often those words stay unspoken. Instead, Dean turns on the radio and 'Driving home for Christmas' fills the car. Home. They are going home.

“You can't be serious?”, Dean asks when he sees Sam coming to help them getting the tree inside. “What?”, Sam asks playing dumb while grinning like the asshat he is. “That...”, Dean gestures at Sam, who is wearing the ugliest Christmas sweater Dean has ever seen and on top of it has put some antlers on his head. “Don't worry, I have one for you too,” Sam finally cracks and Dean tries to kill him with his glare. As usual, that doesn't work so he sighs dramatically: “Just let us get this tree up and then we can do the silly Christmas-y stuff you want to do.”  


Together they get the Tree into the living room, when Cas suddenly stops in his tracks. “Oh,” is all he says as he looks around and takes the room in. Dean follows his lead and what Sam did is really stunning. Everywhere are blinking lights and Santas and reindeers standing around and even a few angels are hanging on the walls. “You like it?”, Sam beams, proud of himself, and Cas nods: “I never knew Christmas could look that beautiful.” Sam laughs at that: “Wait until we get this Christmas Tree set up!” For the first time since they bought the freaking tree, Cas actually smiles and it fills Dean's heart with warmth. Maybe this was not a bad idea after all. 

***

2 hours later they are finally done. The Christmas tree is decorated and they settle in around the tree. Not before Sam forces them into ugly Christmas Sweaters, though. Cas gets a Santa-hat to wear while Dean gets the Elf-one. If looks could kill, Sam would have died more than once by now. On the other hand, Cas smiles like an idiot over his outfit and his small little smile does things to Dean he would never admit out loud. 

Maybe Sam was right after all. This is their first Christmas together here, the first Christmas where all three of them are in the bunker, where everything is kind of okay. Somehow they start talking about Christmas, telling each other about when they were little and that one time that Dean got Sam a nutrition bar for Christmas, while Cas tells them about how Gabe always made fun of this tradition and more than once slipped out to steal some of the candy that children left for Santa. According to him it was his right, since Santa never collected the offering and someone had to eat those delicious cookies.  
It is a good evening, where they sit together and laugh and tell stories. Dean feels content. The bunker is his home, here with his family, the only people he got left. Sam in the armchair, Cas right beside him, too far away and too close at the same time.

Everything is nice. Everything is fine. It feels like a real Christmas, like the ones that Dean never had. Until Sam states: “This is really the most beautiful tree we ever had.” It is a nice sentiment, not meant to hurt, because how could Sam know. But Dean can see it in Cas whole body language. How his shoulders fall, how a small shadow of sadness washes over his face, how a silent sigh escapes him. “What's the matter?”, Sam asks, because of course he noticed it too. “It is nothing,” Cas says and he smiles. Dean can still see the sadness, can still feel the heaviness. He wonders why Cas feels so sad over one little crooked Christmas Tree. Why he still has not forgotten it. “You are right, Sam, it is a really beautiful tree,” Cas finally says, a little too joyful, trying too hard. And in this moment Dean just wants to take his hand, wants to reach out to give him some comfort, to show him that it is okay. That everything is fine. But he just can't. So close and still so far away. 

“You chose a good tree,” Sam nods, shooting Dean a questioning look. Dean shrugs because he has no idea how he can explain it to Sam, not when he doesn't understand it either. “We just wanted to get a _perfect_ tree,” Cas answers and is it Dean or is there some bitterness in his voice? Cas meets Dean's eyes for a second before he hastily looks away again: “I am glad you like it, though.” Sam smiles at that: “I do.” It is in this moment that Dean makes a decision. Because he wants this Christmas to be perfect, because he wants everyone to be happy. And Sam is radiating with joy as he pours himself another eggnog but there is still something off about Cas. Dammit, if Cas wants this freaking excuse of a Christmas Tree, he should get it.

***

Why is he so nervous? There is no reason to be nervous.  
Half an hour ago Dean excused himself, told Sam and Cas that he was tired and would go to his room when in reality he sneaked out into the night like a teenager to drive the way back to the sales yard, silently praying that there would still be someone there. He was lucky, the owner had only just closed up and with a little convincing Dean bought the ugliest Christmas Tree ever for way too much money. When he returned to the bunker he found Sam snoring on the couch, passed out. Maybe he had drunken a little too much eggnog. Like the good old brother he is, he covered Sam with a blanket. “Thanks, Sammy,” he whispered because he just felt like it. Christmas seemed to get to him.  
After that he made some preparations and wandered off to look if he could find Cas.

And now he is here, in front of Cas' room, where the dull sound of the Television is still audible. Cas is not asleep yet. That's something.  
Dean takes a deep breath and knocks. “Yes?”, he hears Cas say and Dean opens the door. “Heya, Cas,” Dean says: “Can I come in?” “Of course,” Cas says with one of those little smiles. Dean's heart flutters as he takes the few steps that are necessary to be right next to Cas, who is still sitting on his bed, looking curiously at Dean. “May I?”, he asks, and Cas nods as he shifts to the side to make room for Dean. “Do you have nightmares again?”, Cas asks as if that is the normal thing to ask. “What?”, Dean asks back, meeting Cas’ eyes. Such blue eyes, gentle and caring.  


“No.. no,” Dean finally gets out: “Actually, I was not sleeping yet.” “But you said..”, Cas starts but Dean holds up one hand to stop him: “I say a lot of things that are not really true, Cas.” It is a confession, one he has not intended to make. Maybe it is the closeness, the warmth radiating from the man beside him.  
“I mean, Cas, look... I lied. I do that. But.. I.. I had to do something,” Dean admits and Cas tilts his head “What have you done?”, Cas asks and Dean believes that he hears... fear? Hope? Dean sighs. He is not good with words, not when it comes to _this_. Not when it comes to Cas. “Why was it so important for you to get the other tree?”, Dean asks instead and Cas looks up, searching Dean's face as if to decide what he should tell him. “I don't know,” Cas finally says as he looks down again: “It just didn’t feel right. Only because it is not perfect, only because it is beaten up and.. and broken.” And Dean finally gets it. Cas saw something in this tree, something of himself. But Cas is not broken, not to Dean anyway. 

“In that case.. I have something to show you,” Dean says, standing up and holding out his hand for Cas to take. Cas squints as if he is not sure what he should think of what is happening, but then he takes Dean's hand. Dean's heart beats fast as he thinks that Cas' hand just fits into his, as he thinks that he never wants to let go of it, as he realizes that he is sick of hiding, of running away. Cas is here. Cas is right by his side, following him into the library, probably Cas favourite room in the bunker besides his own room. 

“Dean...,” Cas says as they arrive there and Cas spots the little tree, standing there, a little lost, small and crooked, fully decorated: “You.. you...” Dean smiles and nods: “Yup. I saw how upset you were about it and I thought, hey the bunker is big and we can easily have two Christmas Trees.” “Thank you, Dean,” Cas says as he turns to look at Dean. Dean notices that he still is holding his hand as Cas looks straight at him: “It... it is beautiful.”  


Dean licks his lips as his eyes dart to Cas' and in this moment everything else seems to fade away. Just Cas and Dean. Dean and Cas. “Cas.. I...,” Dean swallows and tries again: “I just wanted to give you something. I mean, presents are something you do at Christmas. Aren't they?” Cas nods: “Yes, they are... but I have nothing for you...”  
“You are here...”, Dean says and he doesn't know why. Stupid Christmas mood, stupid Christmas sweater, stupid Christmas Tree, stupid warm fuzzy feelings. “I am. And I won't go away any time soon...”, Cas agrees as he smiles fondly. “You won't?”, Dean asks and somehow Cas is suddenly so close, he can feel his breath on his skin, can hear his own heart beating loud as Cas answers: “I won't. I won't ever leave you again.” Dean swallows, he can feel his face blushing. Did Cas just said that he would never leave him? “Cas...,” Dean whispers and Cas answers with a whispered “Dean...” 

It is a careful attempt when their lips finally meet, as if whatever this is, is something fragile that can be broken easily. It is sweet, without haste. One little kiss. A second one. “ _Cas_...”, Dean says and this time he is begging. He can feel Cas' smile more than he sees it when Cas whispers into his ear: “Merry Christmas, Dean.” Dean laughs out loud as he opens his eyes again to search for Cas'. “Merry Christmas, Cas,” he answers as he reaches forward and presses his lips onto Cas', this time more urgent, hungry and wanting. It is even better than he dreamed it, so much more than he ever thought it would be. Everything in him is at peace. 

“Oh my God! Finally!”, he hears Sam say and he lets go of Cas, a little startled. “Merry Christmas to you too, Sam,” Cas says with the smuggest grin on his face and Dean wants to immediately kiss him again. Which he does, even when he hears Sam snorting: “Get a room!”

This is indeed a good Christmas. Actually, when Dean thinks about it, it is the best Christmas ever.


End file.
